i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
me + whiskey = a bad person
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
