Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
