my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
