Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
