I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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