Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
