I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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