matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
