Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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