Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we're making bets on your personal life
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
