you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
