Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
