Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
