what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
