hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
