He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
