Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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