Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
