omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
