the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
