I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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