i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
