I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
