He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
