I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
