a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
