I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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