Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
