When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
