There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
