my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
