I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
