Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
