All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
