He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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