I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
