Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
