I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
