Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
