wanna go halves on a baby?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
