i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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