this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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