Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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