New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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