i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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