Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
is that a dick in a sweater?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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