so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
