In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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