I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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