I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
