I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
