so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
