The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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