are you so shy because you have an std?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
