I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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