could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
