hell yes lets make some ravioli
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
