I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
