he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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