Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
