he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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