you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
