i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
