Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
