Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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