I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
