So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
