I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
